27th June 2009

I wonder.

What's wrong with me?

Is it really just the college's education system that makes me hate studying so much? Or is it because of her?

I don't know.

Saying that she didn't affect me at all would be pretty much too obvious a lie. But i'm pretty sure she's not the only reason. More like a triggering factor, to be exact.

In TK, I could spend a whole night, and yes i mean a whole night, from 10pm to 8am, doing up geog notes. But now, I couldn't even spend more than 15 minutes reading Econs notes, or any notes for that matter.

It's kind of pathetic really.

Before whatever she did, I was more or less already like this, not caring about homework, tutorials, assignments. They didn't matter the least to me. Only whatever happened amplified this feeling.

But oh wells, it's time to move on, I've been telling myself that a lot. I'm hoping it'll work in due time. Somehow.

25th June 2009

4 more days to Mid Years.

1 subject for each day.

I have no idea what i'm studying for, not that i'm studying. But, what the hell, it's the people that work hard, and not the ones that actually have that wee bit of intellectual that are getting rewarded and all. So what is the whole freaking point. Making every single JC student memorise reaction mechanisms of organic compounds, making every single JC student memorise all the definitions in the world of chemistry.

I've seen people who memorise just for the sake of memorising. Sad people, I have to say. They probably don't even know what they're memorising. Slaves of the society. Working just for the sake of working.

I can only say, the only good thing about living here is the safety. I'm starting to doubt that too, with the H1N1 virus spreading around.

Oh wells, as much as I want to go on whining about how retarded and pointless all this studying is for, I know it wouldn't help. So well, whatever.

20th June 2009

Everyone's been telling me how much time we have left till the infamous MYE. But, the strange thing is, i'm still not getting the "oh-my-god-it's-one-week-before-a-major-exam" feeling. I mean, come on, its 20th June, and i'm down here waiting to sound the horn, waiting for someone to ask me play dota with them, and maybe, just maybe, waiting for a miracle to happen.

I just realised how long it's been since i really hugged someone. If i'm not wrong, the most recent one was when i met up with NY on the way to visit TK. The feeling was great, and no, don't take it the wrong way, i'm not turning gay and all.

I'm actually supposed to be studying now, or just now, for that matter, not sitting here ranting about how i miss hugging people and how i should be feeling all panicky and stuff. So yea, bye.

13th June 2009

Ever since that day, i've been getting people telling me the same things. "Don't emo", and "Forget her" are two of the more common ones. Truth is, that's what i've been telling myself day in and out. If it's supposed to work, it'd have worked long ago. 

Maybe time really could heal all wounds. But being in the situation i'm in now, i don't really have much time left. When they said time could heal wounds, it could mean a day, a week, a month, or even a year. And you know what, i don't have a year to get myself back together.

I don't know. It wasn't supposed to be this bad. I mean, come on, i haven't even known her for more than 3 months. Well, by "know" i mean being friends. What's wrong with me? 

You know, i really really want to blame her for all this. But, truth is, what rights do i have to do so? I've done pretty evil things myself. And if i really wanted to blame someone, it would be myself to blame in the first place. Blame myself for getting into all this shit. 

Before school ended, i told myself that the holidays would be a good time for me to forget her. But apparently, it's not going half as well as i thought it would have. Too much more time to think about retarded stuff during the holidays. 

I'm thinking of making this blog a private one. So that only people whom i know are trustworthy enough to read this will be able to read it. I don't know, it bothers me a bit to not know who are reading my blog and who aren't. So yea, maybe i'll do it soon.

8th June 2009

Its 4.35 am in the morning. Don't ask me why i'm awake. But i am. 

This is not good. At this rate i'm going to need sleeping pills soon. Very soon. I can't be sure whether it's the mind or the body. Everytime i try to sleep, i'll think of something stupid that will make me think on and on like a chain reaction that never seems to end, and as the reaction proceeds, the throbbing pain in my brain increases exponentially. And here i am. With a throbbing head and extremely tired eyes. 

Its 4.35 am in the morning. I'm still awake.

4th June 2009

I just realised how bad an idea it is to watch HongKong dramas when you're not in that good a mood. It makes it worse. Exponentially. 

Not to say they suck. It's just that they're too good, both the cast and the plot. Kudos to the HK directors. =).

Well, back to my point. So i was watching this show called "金石良缘" (A Journey Called Life) on Channel 55. I can only say, Singapore shows can't compare for nuts. Just a simple 1 hour show could make my eyes water for at least twice. How good are they? Ok maybe i'm a little biased since i've been kind of emotional lately. Plus, there's the chiobu. XD. 

Alright, i'm ending here. Gotta go catch some sleep that i lost last night. Who would have thought fire emblem could make me stay up till 4 am. =X.

If time really could heal wounds, then it must be doing it real slowly.

2nd June 2009

Theres so many things i want to ask her.

So many things i need to clarify.

But yet, something is stopping me. 

She seems happier that way. 

Maybe it should remain as it is.

Maybe not.

Tell me what to do.

Someone.

Anyone.