Surgery

Had GP lesson today. Was doing something like "Does modern technology always improve the quality of people's life?". But well, that's not the point. Anyway, halfway through the lesson, the teacher asked, "Who here has undergone surgery?" And me, being me, raised my hand.

I mean, it probably meant nothing to the rest of the class, but it kind of affected me quite a bit. Supposedly, according to the teacher, surgery was something that was feared by most, and it still is, due to the pain it brings and the time needed to heal. 

Well, those who have known me for at least a few years should know how many surgeries i've went through. Just for your info, you can't count it with just the two of ur hands, maybe not even your legs. But my point here is, i was trying to recall what pain i felt during the surgeries that i've been through. And the thing is, i couldn't recall any. 

I don't know, maybe i've been through so many surgical operations that i've become immune to them. So much that they don't really affect me anymore. Its kind of sad really, to be numbed and rid of feeling any pain just because i've been through too much of it. This thought flashed through my mind and, i don't know, i guess you could call it sadness, but there was this tinge of something close to sourness surfacing inside my heart. It didn't hurt, but it sucked. It sucked so much.

Something MY said that made me think, "At least we're still friends." 

Oh wells.

Dumb Me.

Gah i feel so stupid right now. Just did something so damn dumb. I can't believe i even did it. Like. Roar. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb me. GAAHHHHH. Shiiitttttt. Zomgwtfbbq. Ok let me try to get over it by spamming weird symbols. @#@&*$!^&*#&!()@$!@&#%&@&$#(!@#*!@&#^*!@$^*!%@#*!@%$*@^!#(*@!^$*%!@*#^*@%$*!^#@*@$%*&%!@#&!@&%$&!@#*!@^#*&%!&@!$#^!$@#&^@%!&

Alright it didn't work. Meh. Damn it. It always happens when i try to msg someone for the first few times. Why am i just soooo dumb. Gah. WHY. WHHYYYY. TEELLL MEEE WHYYY. 

Gah. To the person whom i did the dumb thing to(I mean, i don't think you'll ever read this lah, but then, i hope XD.) : Sorryyyyy.......... Reaalllyy Realllyyy sorryyyy. 

And yet another day.

Nowadays my life seem so much more interesting than ever. Let's see. Breakfast. Lecture. Tutorial. Recess(which is used to do tutorial). Lecture. Tutorial. Tutorial. Lecture. Lunch. Tutorial. More lectures. Blah blah blah. 

Time passes. And yet the wound doesn't seem to heal. 

Maybe. Maybe not.

Ok first i apologize for leaving this blog dead for so long. There's been so much things that happened, so much that i'm too lazy to type out the whole thing. But well, i was thinking maybe doing this could help me relieve some of my headaches a little. 

Its been hurting so much. My head. My tongue. And maybe a teeny weeny part of my heart. Maybe what WK said was true, maybe i should change my attitude to life. Maybe not. I mean. I've had my fair share of a sucky life, what with the weird illnesses and all. It's actually mostly surprising how i managed to survive till now. 

You're probably thinking "how weird can a illness be?". Let me share with you. Imagine an ulcer on your tongue, maybe two. Imagine how much it hurts when you try to drink water. Now, imagine that ulcer covering maybe 30% of your tongue. Nice, isn't it?

That wasn't enough? What about this. Imagine the pimple you get on your face. The one where pus collects inside. Now imagine that pimple growing in some part of your body, and at the same time multiplying the size by a few hundreds, maybe a thousand, to a size of a tennis ball. Disgusting? Tell me about it.

Ok so i've lived with those for 17 years, and i've pretty much tried to stay happy as much as i could. But sometimes, when a string gets too much tension, it snaps. It really snaps. Maybe i haven't reached that stage yet, but i'm sure of one thing, at this rate i'm going, there's no telling how long i can hold out for. 

I try hard to be happy you know, and i try real hard. But the thing is, with the constant family problems and maybe some personal stuff, it isn't really that easy. When i lie on my bed, it's like a chain reaction. I tell myself to think about other stuff to distract myself from one problem, and another problem pops up, and on and on it goes. 

Ok, maybe this post didn't really help me clear my headache, but i'm kind of glad i said it out. Though not literally. I guess i'll pretty much end here. Not much else to say. 

And then theres her. Ok this part may be a little mushy. But i'm kind of lost. So heck. I don't know if this is what people call love, or even like for that matter. But she makes me tense, so tense that sometimes i can't even concentrate on a word the teacher is saying. Everytime i try to talk to her, my mouth gets stuck, literally, i can't reply like i normally would. Its so hard a feeling to describe. One thing for sure, her name keeps surfacing in my mind, accompanying the things she said, the stuff she does, which intrigues me so much. Its annoying to be honest. The thing is, as much as i would gladly like to lie to myself, i can almost be certain that it is impossible between us. Too impossible to even consider about. I mean, i could come up with a dozen of reasons to convince myself that she likes me, but i would also know that none of that are true. It hurts. It hurts so much.

It hurts. So much.